….(For Ben Jacobs)
I’m not a member of the GOP
nor do I care to be
but I like to do some sleuthing
a local newspaper said it would
be held in an auditorium at a
church in a nearby town and
I thought there might be a lot of
attractive blonde- haired women
there in short red dresses
what the heck
I figured and got there
early to sleuth
I took a shower and put on
my most expensive shirt
and some cologne a GOP relative
who hates me gave me as
a Christmas gift about 10 yrs
ago that was in the back of
the closet to fit in
they had free imported
beer and a variety of snacks
a fat man from New Jersey
was hogging up all the donuts
I headed for the beer
putting them away as fast as I could
while the crowd flocked in and
a young guy in a bow tie I recognized
from tv gave me a dirty look
a man took the mike
he was very angry
people stood up and
almost cried about Mexico
some screamed and weren’t making
sense no attractive blonde- haired
women in short red dresses were
there and I had to pee
I wasn’t going into a GOP
bathroom I’ve heard stories so
I went outside and
peed behind the church
when I went back into the
auditorium another crazy
guy was talking about the need
for a wall while Rudy Giuliani was
giggling in the corner with disciples
of madness about how he
tore the heart and soul out of
Times Square and his friend
will do it to the entire country
they ran out of beer
I thought no one was
looking so I grabbed a brownie and
threw it at the guy speaking it
missed and landed at his feet looking
like poop then two big goons
lifted me by my arms and –
literally – threw me out of the
church I landed on the steps
I told the cop at the door
I wanted to press charges
against the two goons and he
said I’d better leave if I knew
what was good for me and
now I know for damn sure
that the GOP isn’t good for me
and it doesn’t like
sleuths and their fundraisers
are not good for me
or anyone else
-poetry by Craig Stormont
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