Bash and Hump

♦ Art by Jennifer Chester ◊ Fiction by Dominic Fonce ♦

A dialogue only story inspired by the shape shifting lizard alien conspiracy theory. What
happens when humans are on the fringe of losing society, some lizard aliens don’t transform entirely during the Scaly Siege, and nurse/politician, Hump McVicker wants to adopt a young Hiss?




“And you, Kernigan?”

“I don’t want to think about it.”

“It’s going to happen whether we like it or not.”

“I know.”

“Tell me, you think it’s right?”

“This is war, McVicker, you think those fuckers care?”

“Those fuckers might still be human boss-man, you hear the reports from down the way? A lot of

matching DNA.”

“Doesn’t make ’em human in my eyes, does it for you?”

“No . . . No of course not.”

“Right McVicker, because they are fuckers even if they have our DNA. Besides, tell me one

time in human history when at least one human wasn’t a fucker.”

“I can’t.”

“Well, you got a kid right? A Halfie—A Hiss they’re calling ’em.”

“Yes, he is being held at the hospital, underneath the square.”

“Heh, you guys some good hospitable people over there at Times?”

“Better than you all here.”

“Look McVicker, we’re separate for a reason, we conduct business differently, but we’re still on

the same side. They’re the enemies. ”

“I’m just glad we found the kid before you guys did.”

“You need water?”

“Yes, please.”

“You gotta name, kiddo?”


“What kind of name is that . . . Oh . . . forget I mentioned it. How’s that arm, if you need a doc let

me know, I’ll be right outside the door.”

“How’s he doing?”

“Not bad, a bit shy, but holding in there.”

“All kids are shy at that age. You . . .you get over it?

“It took awhile, how does someone get over that face, as bad as it sounds? But yeah, he’s kind of

cute, ya know?”

“No. I get disgusted every time I look at him and you’re right it does sound bad. I’m just glad we

got him talking.”

“He’s still timid but he’ll talk to you, Hump, his name’s Bash.”

“Bash, huh?”

“Hey there, Bash is it? How ya feeling there, bud?

“It . . . it’s kinda itchy.”

“Yeah, you’re not in pain though, I’m mean you look like a trooper to me.”

“No, nothing hurts except my ears, can you turn the booms off?”

“Ha ha, I wish trooper, that’s all I want in the entire world.”

“Can you do it?”

“I don’t know, Trooper. There might not be much I can do. My name is Humphrey McVicker,

you can just call me Hump.”


“Yeah, yeah, Trooper, get it out.”

“Bash Mere, age six, 44 inches tall, weighs 50 pounds even. Not bad for six in these conditions,

what was he eating before we got him?”

“Scraps. I’m thinking the mutations are directly responsible for the accelerated growth.”

“I’ll bite, how’s the arm’s maneuverability?”

“Fingers are moving but the poor kid can barely lift it up, that’s why I figured that his Scaly parts

are growing exceedingly fast.”

“I got it. The eye?”

“It works, although he does complain about earaches, maybe sensitivity has increased in the

mutated ear. He does mention trouble with vision, but it correlates with the earaches; makes him

dizzy. He can’t walk too well.”

“Poor kid. And like the other few cases that have been published, this mutation occurred within a

week of the Scaly Siege? When they all switched on us?”

“He said he’s been like this from that day, hasn’t spread a bit since, but still gets itchy where the

two skin types meet.”

“I’d figure you’d be tired of all this nurse work, Hump.”

“I miss the suit-and-tie challenges of politics, sure, but so far working with kids has been a real

reward, Doc. Mary Jay.”

“Yeah, yeah, we’ll see how you in a week, babe. Let’s go in and see him.”

“Hey Trooper, I’d like you to meet a good friend of mine, Doctor Mary Jay Cobb. She just needs

to ask you a few questions.”

“Okay, Hump.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Bash.”

“It’s nice to meet you too, Doctor Cobb.”

“Well, let me start off, don’t worry about my scribbles, I’ll just be jotting down a few notes.”

“Okay, first question: Eye sight. Is there an sort of discoloration between the left eye and the

right within your eyes themselves?”

“No, they both work the same. I see color.”

“Okay, second question: I have been told you do suffer a bit of visual blurriness, is that right?”

“Because of the booms above.”

“Yes, and could you please, as descriptively as you can, describe the blurriness.”

“Um, it get real dizzy and sick feeling and my ears ring. Everything is all smudgy even after I


“Okay, Bash we are almost done. Last question, this one about testing and samples.”

“Mhm . . .”

“Would you consent to any further testing, blood work, scale sampling, or minor surgeries that

will help advance Human and Scaly life uniformly and unbiasedly through the terms of medical


“Yes, I do.”

“Thank you for your time Bash, see you soon.”

“You too.”

“Okay Trooper, I’m going have a talk with Doc Mary Jay real quick and I’ll be back in for our

daily talk.”

“Okay Hump, don’t take too long.”

“I won’t trooper.”

“Mature and polite.”

“I know, that’s why I like him.”

“Guh, I don’t know how you do it Hump, you’re a good man. That face, yuck!”

“Psht, I’ve seen you in the mornings.”

“Yeah keep talking and maybe I’ll just shack up with Doc Williamson, he’s very handsome and I

bet he isn’t afraid to grab my ass when I flirt with him.”


“Ouch, you dick, come’re!”

“What’re you thinking about right now?”

“I’m thinking about you.”

“I’m thinking about that kid.”

“Who, Bash?”

“Yes, I’m thinking about you and him actually. How you deal with him, a man that understands

children is a beautiful thing. I just don’t know how you get the job done so well.”

“The key is to make it not a job. I really like that kid.”

“I know you do, I know you do. You’d make an amazing father, Hump, you know that right?”

“Maybe when research is done I can adopt him. And . . . and . . . and.”

“And what?”

“And have one or two with you.”

“Are you saying?”

“I am.”

“I asked for you to be transferred to C-Block for permanent duty with the marriage as the excuse.

I hope you don’t mind.”

“Nope, sounds perfect to me. Now I get all hours with you and little Bash. Perfect.”

“How you feeling today, Trooper?”


“Ah, what now? I can tell when you’re not feeling well. Is it the booms?”

“No, not the booms.”

“Then what?”

“I miss the sun and, and I miss my mom and my sister.”

“Com’ere trooper.

“Sometimes we miss people, sometimes we wish they’d just appear in front of us to hug us and

laugh with us.”

“Sometimes I wish I was with them still but then sometimes I’m glad I’m here.”

“I know, Bash.”

“Lunchtime Trooper. Military lunch. Apple, spam sandwich with cheese, and a little treat.”

“No way!”

“Yes way!”

“Where’d you find it?”

“Military brought us over a smorgasbord of food, I saw it and thought of you.”

“Thank you, Hump. So, does that mean we’re winning?”

“Today was a good day on the battlefield I had heard but it’s far from over. We have heart, they

have a massive mothership spitting out alien troops daily. I have faith we can fight them off until

they leave for another city, stranger things have happened.”

“I don’t doubt that.”

“So . . . Whatcha reading?”

“It’s called Scales. It’s about an alligator who escaped into the New York City sewer system and

mutates. The whole story is him building his army of mutated lizards with hopes to one day

attack the ‘Sky People’. They call him King of the Scales.”

“Sounds like a cool book, Trooper. Tell you what, I’ll let you read. Be back in a half an hour.”

“See ya, Hump.”

“Ah, McVicker, there you are.”

“Here I am.”

“Did you bring it?”

“All I had was some healing ointment, some excess bandages, and some tape. The bandages are

still sterile, don’t worry.”

“No morphine or real medicine, no pills?”

“I’m afraid not today, boss-man. I did bring some military food though, excess stuff that nobody

wanted, but something tells me you don’t care about medical supplies today.”

“Ha! McVicker, you’re a smart young man.”

“I just pay attention, now get to it please, lunch break is almost up.”

“The kid.”

“Don’t bother asking.”

“I’m telling you, not asking you. I want the kid.”

“What will you do with him?”

“Don’t you worry now, McVicker. Worry about your little girlfriend and yourself.”

“How’d you know about her?”

“We are offering you and your girlfriend a spot in MAS. She will be assigned to a doctor

position and you . . . I’m willing to give you a spot on my council. I think you got the juice,

McVicker. You’d be working directly under me. Secret stuff, important stuff. Better housing,

protection, FOOD. Man Against Scales will rule the new world, you’d best jump on board before

the city is overrun.”

“Let me talk to her, please.”

“You have 24 hours, Hump. Hope you make the right decision.”

“WHAT, why didn’t you just tell me?!”

“I don’t know, I didn’t think it would last this long. I was only thinking of us if shit hit the fan,


“You’ve been hiding this under our mattress!? Trading the hospital’s supplies for guns?”

“Are you mad?”

“No, actually I’m glad . . . Because, I have news for you too. I heard today that the military can

no longer hold off the Scalies and that in two days New York will be filled with them again. I

was going to tell you to make a decision about little Bash and then we could hit the road, tonight.

Everyone has said they are waiting for reports tomorrow to make sure. But me, I’ve been waiting

for a reason to leave, a fresh start somewhere south, deep south where we can raise a family.”

“Well darling, I’d hate to tell you that there is more to my story but there is.”


“Kernigan, you know the MAS Kernigan, has made me a deal. He has heard stories about little

Bash and he wants the boy. If we give him the boy we get spots in MAS. I just don’t know what’s


“We’re right.”


“I DO think we should join MAS, but on one condition.”

“No. Absolutely not!”

“Fine, Mary Jay let’s go.”

“No, no, no, no, no we . . . you . . . Hump, Mary Jay you understand why we can’t allow this.”

“And perhaps you don’t understand why we can’t allow it on our end either.”

“No, we don’t.”

“Then we’ll be going, have a nice day.”


“Okay, okay! You can adopt the kid!”

“And Mary Jay can be his doctor?”

“Yes, yes, of course. Come back in, we’ll do some paperwork.”

“Hump, read this one first, please, you’ll love it!”


“Yes, I know you’ll like it.”

“Okay Trooper, I’ll read this one first.”

“Okay, dad.”

“Okay . . . son.”

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