So here's how its starts a breaking heart, not willing to mend, no use for new friends. Still life shines, a look at the past. Realizing at last, now’s the time, cause its running fast.
Aware of my pops and his mortality, questioning why? I give up on reality, stop trying to make sense of what it means. Will it happen the death in all my dreams? I’m too afraid to ask are you alright? I lie awake each and every night, I didn’t cry when they buried my friend didn’t feel anything or try to make amends. Its just an empty feeling where a thump should be, am I dying? Will I ever be free of these thoughts? The grey devil setting in, can’t remember what they taught, now I know that I can’t win. Think I’m just prepping for when it’s his time, it kills me slowly that he’ll soon leave my side, He was always there when I thought he didn’t love me, it was only just cause he thought the world of me. I never thought about his feelings, and in the end it will leave me reeling back to the devil, he knows I cant control the flow, it never ends this whole self induced show, I hate this drama I know that I can’t act, its causing trauma and I know this for a fact. I love my Daddy, you know you cant disagree, he’s the only man that has ever whipped me, he did it cause it hurt him more than I would know, he had to do it he had to help me learn and grow to be this crybaby that I am today, I love him so much more than words can say, but I feel like everything I do is wrong, so I gotta write it down, right into this little song.
About a boy who never wants to let go, of his Daddy and all the wisdom that he’s sowed. He’ll never know cause I’m such a coward, I just want to talk to him into the wee hours. He grew up in a different world then today, it makes me think of the sacrifices that he had to make. He had to leave to a strange country, cut off ties maybe even his family. He was a good son sending money to his mom, he was a sailor even serving in Vietnam, He called my mom his beautiful bride, I wept with joy he filled me up with pride, he was a ladies man confident to the bone. Handsome and charming, on all the pictures I was shown.
But there's nothing more that I like than making people smile, maybe cause all along I wanted to have his smile. I got ran over by a mother fucking tank, thought i was gonna die, and to the Lord I thank. I woke up in a hospital bed guess who was there with a face that was mighty red? He wasn’t mad he’d been crying all night. Then I thought everything would turn out alright. Here was this man that I loved and feared all at the same time. He was there, with his beautiful wife his bride. I felt so bad and worthless inside, to this very day I remember just what I said “I almost died!” but I think it was cause I was full of meds. I love my Daddy, and my Momma too, I don’t like it when I don’t tell them that I love you. Everyday whenever Daddy gives me a ride. He’ll never know about how much I feel inside. I love you Momma, I love you Daddy too. Why cant us kids ever listen to you? What you say is from experience it is the truth. You’d never lie even if you thought I was protecting you. I take back everything I said when I was a kid, I wish I could undo all the bad things that I did. When we’re together the grey devil doesn’t have a hold. I owe everything to you as I get old. I wish we could be together for many many years, but in reality I know I’ll spill a lot of tears. Don’t wanna think about losing you or Mom even. I guess I gotta straighten up and stop dreamin.
I always thought that I could be revolutionary. Explore new worlds tear down walls like a missionary. You gotta know that I don’t want to be ordinary, in your eyes I wanna be extraordinary. I don’t have a lot of time to do all of this. Its in my head whenever I give you that goodbye kiss. I love you Daddy more than you can ever know. I love you Momma sometimes I know it doesn’t show. I see you everyday when I look into the mirror, I’m kinda glad that you’ll be with me forever. I love you Dad I love you Mommy too don’t you know I will always respect and love you. I know it doesn’t show when I don’t make my bed its just that grey devil running through my head. I wish life was like when I was eight years old. Before I started acting up not doing what was being told. I know the truth of reality. I know that you Love this family. Mom I love you, Dad I love you too and I know that i already am missing you. What the fuck is wrong with me I got brother and my sisters watching over me, I love you Mommy I love you Daddy too, when the kids get older I’ll tell them all about you.
I love you
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